I think I've just experienced a tiny culture shock, and might be in for a bigger one if I'm not prepared for it.

I've never met my Italian man's mom (a bit of background info here we are both in our 40's) and he's an only child. I've heard much about how the italian mama is still number one in her son's life, and had a tiny taste of this on the phone today. He's planning a career move which will take him out of Italy, and oh, the worry at having to tell her about this, and about me.

So how is it these days? Will I have to take my place at the end of the family queue? He has assured me she has never interfered with any of his relationships, but she will find me too old because she wants grandchildren. I'm older than he is, so it is highly unlikely.

Any advice? What are the main culture differences between say, the italian mom and an american/english one? Can she demand or expect, and he jumps? Does her opinion matter that much?

I'm starting to get nervous that she'll reject me.

Sienna
There is no general answer - It change from case to case - There is a difference but it is not so much between the cultures anymore I think.
It is like asking the questions like ' what should I expect from an American mom '
The answer depends more on your husband / his mother relation than on the culture I think - Maybe I am talking from experience since my American in laws are so different from everybody else in this country that a general answer would not work -
Does she live in a large town ? In the country ? In a small village ? North or South of Italy ?

PS I just noticed i was using the admin account - This is Paolo
PS PS all I can tell you that seems universal for the Italian mama a few decades back is that they all seem to have used the 'Cucchiaio di legno' or 'battipanni' as a 'educational' tool ..well ask your husband if his mom ever used one

Dear Sienna, I'm sorry to hear about your trouble and I wish you nothing but the best of luck in resolving it.

I don't know anything about Italian mamas but I know about Jewish ones... Oh man, it was one of the most unpleasant experiences in my life!

I hope somebody from Italy or an Italian will respond about the Italian mamas and i mammoni (their very attached sons).

We spoke again yesterday and apparently so far so good. She doesn't have any problems (yet) with me and the situation in general and is glad that her son is happy. I was wondering if she could "let him go" emotionally as they are quite close and he does feel a responsibility towards her, which I must add here, I have no problem with. I share the view that families are important and should be cared for.

I guess the main issues here are the boundaries of such a relationship and what is acceptable for one culture not being seen as acceptable in another.

Italy has been experiencing an unprecedented rise in marriage break-ups. The main cause
bearing a high proportion of the blame? Mamma’s boys and interfering mothers-in-laws.

Sienna:

I wholeheartedly agree with Paolo (ADMIN) as your question is somewhat broad. Similar to what Paolo mentioned, it's like asking "what are Americans like"...as if they were all the same.

I'm sure it will be a great experience however it turns out.

Best of luck

I have to say it depends on a lot and the relationship your boyfriend has with his mother and you. Some mothers are horrible and unbearing some are great lol. It depends on a lot but on a whole Italian men are very affected by there mothers opinions but even thinking on that it may mean nothing I have seen many italian men loose contact with there families for the women they love. I hope that doesn't happen in your case I would rather see it all work out for you!

__________________
Fra il dire e il fare c'è di mezzo il mare!!!

Monster-in-Law

New Line Cinema : Monster-in-Law

From a general point of view Italian moms are very close to their children, for the entire life if necessary, boys in particular rather than girls; I think it happens because moms are afraid of some other "woman" can take away their beloved boys. I am not involved in this problem, my mom died when I was 13, BUT I must say that my mother-in-law is really one of the best person I ever met, after her daughter (my wife) of course.Or not ....??

Villa, we are not fighting with each other, far from it. Thanks for your replies everyone - yes, I was looking at the broader picture here and for cultural differences that we perhaps overlook or think not so important, until we come across them personally, and the Italians do have a global reputation for being family orientated.

I do appreciate that we are all individuals and even members of our families can be classed as human beings :-) LOL