When I lived in Italy I didn't have children, but I did notice the ones I saw were well behaved. No screaming in the grocery line, or running off from their parents.
My three-year-old son is a challenge. He's very curious and active and fast!

Any advice from Italians or anyone else would be appreciated. Time outs work at home, but what do I do in public?

Thanks in advance,
Martha

When I lived in Italy I didn't have children, but I did notice the ones I saw were well behaved. No screaming in the grocery line, or running off from their parents.
My three-year-old son is a challenge. He's very curious and active and fast!

Any advice from Italians or anyone else would be appreciated. Time outs work at home, but what do I do in public?

Thanks in advance,
Martha

I am not sure if this will work for you, but my mother used this technique on us (two siblings) when we were kids:

Before going anywhere, we were always reminded to be on good behavior. If we were good, we were sure of a treat when we came back home.

If one of us behaved bad, that one did not get the treat while the other one did.

If both of us behaved badly, we were collected immediately, and left home with the nanny, while my parents went out again.

We soon learnt to behave ourselves when we were out.

I am not sure if this will work for you, but my mother used this technique on us (two siblings) when we were kids:

Before going anywhere, we were always reminded to be on good behavior. If we were good, we were sure of a treat when we came back home.

If one of us behaved bad, that one did not get the treat while the other one did.

If both of us behaved badly, we were collected immediately, and left home with the nanny, while my parents went out again.

We soon learnt to behave ourselves when we were out.
Thanks, Bubbles. Solid advice. One time we left story time at the library because my son wouldn't sit down and listen. He was MUCH better the next time because I followed through with the threat to leave. I'll try giving him a little direction too before we leave the house so he knows what I expect.
Martha

Thanks, Bubbles. Solid advice. One time we left story time at the library because my son wouldn't sit down and listen. He was MUCH better the next time because I followed through with the threat to leave. I'll try giving him a little direction too before we leave the house so he knows what I expect.
Martha

Good one Martha.

My little 3 year old was the only child running around the
room during story time at the library.

I believe it's plenty - plenty of positive reinforcement when they are behaving. Look at the mammas...they're always fawning over their tots...Always. Amore, Tesoro, these kids are the kings of the castle, but just soak up the rewards for good behaviour...
Americans tend to pay that kind of attention only when they're misbehaving...And so...they misbehave! But if that doesn't work, try
Rules. Consistent ones. Super Nanny style. Never back down or it won't work.
Italian kids are the most well-behaved (when they're with their families and not in school groups) in the world...

NATE UPDATE:
I took my son (3 years) to a movie for the first time yesterday. I prepped him before we got there on what I expected, and he sat in his chair almost the entire 90 minutes! He munched on popcorn and watched the movie! I couldn't believe how well he did, and of course, praised him the rest of the day on how well he did. Thanks everyone for the great advice!
Martha

I remember my son having a meltdown at a fair in Kentucky when he was three years old because he didn't want to get off of the carousel. We had been on their for the third spin and I was getting dizzy. Needless to say, he started yelling and screaming to the top of his lungs. "No wanna get off horsey". I was so embarrassed. So I picked him up and carried him kicking and screaming out the fairgrounds past the local police department. They knew that I was embarrassed and one of them hollered, "hey, stop beating that kid" and all of the other cops seem to fall on the floor laughing at me. I was so ashamed. Needless to say, I brought Sean back home to our boring apartment and he had a timeout which consisted of watching nothing but me. I remember he decided to look down at the floor in defiance. After A short time, I felt playful again and laid down on the floor in front of his eyes while he kept trying to look away. Eventually he laughed and we had a little talk. I told him that his behavior was unacceptable and we would not return to the fair until the coming friday. I also warned him that if he ever behaved like that again, we would never go to another fair again. Well, the Friday came and before we left, we had a little pep talk to remind him of the rules. We never had another problems and even now at the age of thirteen, my son is one of the most well behaved young men around.
Mind you this also worked a few years back with one of his playmates who went to the drug store with us. His name was Joey and he looked like Nicolas from eight is enough. Well, as soon as we stepped into walgreens, Joey started cartwheeling and acting up. Well, we all exited and returned to the car and I told him what the rules were and it worked for him as well. In the years after that, I could take him and his playmates anywhere and they would act like well mannered little angels.
With my own son, I actually encouraged independence and talked to him a lot. In my mind, they don't speak english and they are so new until you have to explain things to them. Most parents yell, scream and swat when they do something wrong and never explain why the child shouldn't do certain things. For instance, once my son was old enough to walk and realize that the refridgerator had goodies in it, I allowed him to take snacks that were placed in a certain position and he had unlimited access to snacks in that position as long as he finished the fist snack. Mind you, I did deceive him into thinking that fruit was candy but hey.....
My son currently very laid back and will talk to me about anything because I encouraged it at a young age.
I have since remarried and my husband is Italian. They tend to really dote over their children. However, from what I observe, they also tend to spoon feed, carry, and do things way beyond the age we as Americans do things. I have already explained to my "marito" that I do plan on teaching my baby girl how to eat independently regardless of the mess, and allow her to dress and do things just to encourage her independence. I felt I had to do this, so we wouldn't have any disagreements about rearing in the future.

I remember my son having a meltdown at a fair in Kentucky when he was three years old because he didn't want to get off of the carousel. We had been on their for the third spin and I was getting dizzy. Needless to say, he started yelling and screaming to the top of his lungs. "No wanna get off horsey". I was so embarrassed. So I picked him up and carried him kicking and screaming out the fairgrounds past the local police department. They knew that I was embarrassed and one of them hollered, "hey, stop beating that kid" and all of the other cops seem to fall on the floor laughing at me. I was so ashamed. Needless to say, I brought Sean back home to our boring apartment and he had a timeout which consisted of watching nothing but me. I remember he decided to look down at the floor in defiance. After A short time, I felt playful again and laid down on the floor in front of his eyes while he kept trying to look away. Eventually he laughed and we had a little talk. I told him that his behavior was unacceptable and we would not return to the fair until the coming friday. I also warned him that if he ever behaved like that again, we would never go to another fair again. Well, the Friday came and before we left, we had a little pep talk to remind him of the rules. We never had another problems and even now at the age of thirteen, my son is one of the most well behaved young men around.
Mind you this also worked a few years back with one of his playmates who went to the drug store with us. His name was Joey and he looked like Nicolas from eight is enough. Well, as soon as we stepped into walgreens, Joey started cartwheeling and acting up. Well, we all exited and returned to the car and I told him what the rules were and it worked for him as well. In the years after that, I could take him and his playmates anywhere and they would act like well mannered little angels.
With my own son, I actually encouraged independence and talked to him a lot. In my mind, they don't speak english and they are so new until you have to explain things to them. Most parents yell, scream and swat when they do something wrong and never explain why the child shouldn't do certain things. For instance, once my son was old enough to walk and realize that the refridgerator had goodies in it, I allowed him to take snacks that were placed in a certain position and he had unlimited access to snacks in that position as long as he finished the fist snack. Mind you, I did deceive him into thinking that fruit was candy but hey.....
My son currently very laid back and will talk to me about anything because I encouraged it at a young age.
I have since remarried and my husband is Italian. They tend to really dote over their children. However, from what I observe, they also tend to spoon feed, carry, and do things way beyond the age we as Americans do things. I have already explained to my "marito" that I do plan on teaching my baby girl how to eat independently regardless of the mess, and allow her to dress and do things just to encourage her independence. I felt I had to do this, so we wouldn't have any disagreements about rearing in the future.
This is such a powerful post. It just takes a few minutes to explain to a child what you expect and it makes all the difference in the world.

We went on vacation last week to visit my family. Before Mass, we explained that Nana would be sitting with us, and that he needed to sit and listen during the service, etc. Nate was great! My mom was impressed and so were my husband and I. We praised Nate afterward and he beamed; he was so proud of himself. What a great feeling for all of us. I want him to be a well-behaved 13-year-old just like your son. Thank you for sharing your experience.

I'll talk as a son and not as a father, being only 21 years old, but I think different points of view may help understand the matter.
My opinion about Italian kids education is simple, and it's valid for me as for many many other boys that I know:
My mamma and papà always gave me so much love and attention that everything that could hurt them is something I would never do.
The key for Italian parents is not in rules or discipline, it's in love:
every rule is given as a love present, and respecting them for us sons is just giving love back.
If my mamma told me to come back home soon or another rule because "what would people think" or "I don't like that you do late" I would have probably disobeyed. But my mamma always told me "please Dany don't come home late, you know I'd be worried about you!", so obeying has always been a way not to make her feel bad.
Then I think the harsher the rule the easier to break it.

Thanks, Dani!
I appreciate your viewpoint as much as the parents who have responded. By listening to you and the other replies I've found that I'm doing a better job of talking to Nate and having to discipline him less. It's wonderful for both of us and I feel our bond strengthening even more. He loves being praised for all he does right, and I love doing it. What a difference this makes!
Martha :)