Ciao tutti ! :)

That's all the italian I have learned, even after taking a night class. I have a mental block since finding out that the Italian guy I was emailing is married. He did not mention it, and says that since we are just friends and that he loves his wife, it's not important. I tried to explain that i did not feel right about it, but he kept insisting that his wife did not mind so why did I ? He speaks/understands English better than I do Italian. When I called him dishonest in his emails ( not mentioning his family, etc...).He cursed me in Italian in bold capital letters :mad:
Please, I need enlightening about Italian men and cultural email dos/don't/whatever - in Italy. :(
I do not understand why this Italian man did not grasp my position on this, do you ? I am not a stupid woman, so am I just naive ? Also, he wrote back recently and said he missed me. I forgave him for the things he said about me and asked his forgiveness also, but then told him that I still did not want to email anymore for the same reason as before. He sent more emails, but I have blocked him from my addresses.
Thanks, this mess really hurt my feelings and I need help with it. bene grazie ! :)

Esther,
Interesting post ! Well - I lived long enough in both countries and I don't think there is so much a difference between America and Italian men: I mean it is more the difference from person to person that between the two culture. Take 10 men in the US and you will have 10 different behaviors. I too ( I am Italian ) will behave quite different than other Italian men.
I usually do not talk about my marital status on this forum but also because it is not really the subject of the forum. Women however are more open usually to show their marital status...
Paolo

Ciao Esther,

I feel for you, and this was not the best introduction to Italy or Italian men.

Here's my two cents:
I have worked with Italian men before, face-to-face, and I have met some online for language-exchange. I have been uniformly lucky that all the men were polite gentlemen and stuck to the professional aspect of work or language learning.

While a man is free to disclose his marital status or not in case you are discussing only languages, if you are exchanging e-mails as friends it should be basic to mention the marital status.

And whatever else, he has no right whatsoever to try and contact you when you do not want to write anymore. If he is a married man who is "missing" you, and keeps pestering you, his intentions were definitely not so clean and commendable in the first place.

None of the male language-exchange partners I have in Italy write me emails saying" I miss you", they simply say you have not been doing your Italian exercises, or not been online to help with English etc.

Maybe this is also because I had made it very clear from the very beginning that I was not looking for friendship, just to learn the language. I think a straight, no-nonsense attitude works with men the world over, whether Italian, American, Asian....in case you are looking for professional exchanges.

If you want friendships with men online however, it gets more complicated, but that is with men anywhere.

Please do not give up on learning the language, it is one of the most beautiful there is. What is more, it will help you make friends with other Italians (men or women) once you know the language....do not let this experience keep you from knowing Italians, they are a lovely people. Bad apples happen everywhere, don't let the bad taste they leave in your mouth to embitter you towards everyone:)

ciao and good wishes:D

Thank you for your reply ! And especially for your insights. I will keep all of this in mind, and cannot wait to restart my language class in January. grazie molto !!

Thank you for your reply. Perhaps our cultures on this are quite different - meaning my personal belief system - but I always mention my family, friends, etc in emails simply because they are a big part of my life. Happy Holidays !

Ciao again Paolo, Please forgive me, I did not mean to imply in the previous post that your family is not a big part of your life !! I truly appreciate your feedback. Thank you for sharing your thoughts with me. Viva Italia !

Hi Esther,

this is not particularly directed at you, but at everyone who uses the internet and forums especially. You should never reveal any information about yourself that you do not want made public. Any personal information you give can be used against you. Whilst the majority of people out there are genuine, there is a small minority of people who are not so upstanding. Whatever you do, never give any information which can identify where you live, your phone number, and above all never give details about children. You should also have the permission of anyone whose photograph you publish on the internet (for anyone under the age of 18 you must get the authority of the parent or guardian, and never identify them by name).
Should you become the target of any unwanted attention, ask the person to stop, and if they continue contact your internet provider to seek their advice. You should also report the person to their own service provider and ultimately the police.

Stay safe ;)

Hi Sardoman
Esther was ( seemed to me ) referring to a romantic problem and not a security risk. Anyway your suggestion is surely sound: The default for this forum /community is leaving the real email hidden and that is already a security. Personal details ( not even your real name / age / location ) will not be disclosed unless is the user who does that himself / herself.
Going back to Esther I believe ( and I have 20 years experience with international couple relations ) that the difference between the culture is less than the difference between individuals. Example : probably me and Sardoman here ( He is from the UK ) have more in common than me and another random Italian. There is a big difference between individuals. Are all the Americans always faithful to their wife ?

Paolo

Hi Sardoman
Esther was ( seemed to me ) referring to a romantic problem and not a security risk. Anyway your suggestion is surely sound: The default for this forum /community is leaving the real email hidden and that is already a security. Personal details ( not even your real name / age / location ) will not be disclosed unless is the user who does that himself / herself.
I was just making some general comments about internet use and thought this was an appropriate place to make them. just to make it clear to everyone reading this, I absolutely wasn't questioning this forum's personal security issues which I know are exemplary. I wouldn't spend so much time here if I didn't trust you and the users :D

Going back to Esther I believe ( and I have 20 years experience with international couple relations ) that the difference between the culture is less than the difference between individuals. Example : probably me and Sardoman here ( He is from the UK ) have more in common than me and another random Italian. There is a big difference between individuals. Are all the Americans always faithful to their wife ?

Paolo
I couldn't agree more with you.

My heartfelt gratitude is given to both Sardoman and to Paolo. I haven't been using this forum for very long, but it is obvious to me that I was safe in expressing my bewildering angst about my particular situation. I asked for help and have received it, without judgement or condemnation. Two BIG gold stars for two principled, erudite, multi-cultural guys.

Ciao Bubbles, I want to thank you again for your thoughtful comments. I needed to get some feedback about a situation and your perspective and thoughts - plus your generosity with your time in sharing them - have given me new hope and joy. This is what the holidays are all about ! Enjoy yours. :0)

Hello Esther,

I have heard that men from other countries sometimes take advantage of women on the Internet by not telling them about their marital status. In fact, this happened to me at one stage! He was an American and trying to arrange to visit. I wasn't at all interested in him anyway but I was quite shocked about his attitude.

I would keep away from this man, if I were you. He doesn't sound very nice at all.

Unfortunately men like that can be found all over the world!

Best,
Lisa

Hi Esther,

Great questions/thoughts on this thread.

I agree with Paolo... this is less a cultural thing than an individual thing.

I also agree with Sardoman - safety is paramount.

Doesn't sound like this Italian was a threat on a big level, but the fact that he didn't respect your wishes isn't good. On the other hand, it's all in how you think about it and deal with it, really.

It's easy enough to not email him back, and not worry about it. A lot of people - men and women - overstep boundaries, and it's up to you to stick to yours. :D Sounds like you're doing that.

Now, to contradict some of the things I just said about how it's less about culture than about individuals... check out the Italian Men post elsewhere on this Forum. It is quite extensive and deals with Italian men and their actions a lot. You might find some answers there, too.

Ciao!

Teresa